


Cold and Warmth

by inicorn



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Adults, Depression, Emo Aphelios, Emotions, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Just be careful if ur easily triggered, M/M, Modern AU, Really emo like depression emo, Self-Harm, Sett is a sweet himbo, Suicide thoughts, texting buddies, to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29336274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inicorn/pseuds/inicorn
Summary: Modern AU: Aphelios is planning something really bad, but Sett comes to his life and literally saves his existence.//tw //clinical depression & self-harm //hurt-comfort //heavy topics, be careful
Relationships: Aphelios/Sett (League of Legends)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Cold and Warmth

Aphelios hated himself so much it made him do really stupid things. He couldn't silence the bad thoughts that messed up his mind every day.

Thankfully he is living alone so he doesn't have to hide anything at least there. He hides a lot of things. His disgust for life, his hatred towards himself, his neglected responsibilities, his eating habits, his scars. Those are the hardest to hide, especially at summer.

He had a therapist in the past, but she decided to end their meetings, because she thought he was “fine”, she told him. He was lowkey proud for deceiving a professional after two years of being a regular client. Aphelios himself didn't see the point anymore. He didn't want to waste her time. All he should do is die. Lately he can't think about anything else. He is poor average human being with average life and job.

When he cuts, he feels alive. He really likes the feeling of having wounds on his body. Likes to take care of them. It's his secret. A thing to care about. There isn't much things he cares about.

There is one person though. He never met him yet he gets a small hope while texting with him.

Sett actually takes the jokes about suicide seriously and that makes Aphelios feel a bit like he matters. Sett is actually the reason why Aphelios just hopes someone pushed him under the train while standing too close to the rails on platform instead of actually taking the step that would put him out of the misery. He thinks about those scenarios a lot. Like he wishes the train would derail or he would slip on the stairs and broke his neck. Or all the scenarios where some shooter would attack a place he is in, he would get shot in his head and save everybody. Win-win situation. He smokes cigarettes completely ignoring the fact it might cause him lung cancer. Sometimes he doesn't look when crossing the street. Just fragments.

Thoughts like that are in his mind more often than not. He remembers once mindlessly listening to random sad songs on Spotify while standing on a bridge. The add the app suddenly played made him realize he was just one song away from falling. Freaking Spotify premium. Why is he so poor.

Aphelios goes like that for a long time. He lost the perception of the time, his mind overwhelmed by all the negativeness. He still hasn't met Sett yet. His lack of courage or energy to arrange a meeting was holding him back. There is no way someone so kind and awesome like Sett would want to see such a loser. Aphelios still thinks all that despite Sett actually asking if they could see each other. It's only three hours of a train ride. Aphelios just doesn't want Sett to see how much of a failure he actually is. Through the texts he feels a bit more comfortable, he can think before answering. In real life he is so awkward.

It's been a year since they met each other online now. Despite all the love Sett managed and could send through the internet, Aphelios was losing his mind. Or he already lost it? Probably.

He plans it. No more thinking, the action has to be taken. He is determinated to do it. There is no way back. Not this time.

Sett is starting to get seriously worried. He noticed from Aphelios's texts and insisted on meeting up even harder. Aphelios was thinking hard about this. Maybe he could see the only person he actually cares about before he leaves this world? Last thing in his life.

Peaceful idea. Maybe he can be selfish for once, let the other travel all the way to his place only to feel disappointment. It's not like he cares that hard anymore. Everything is going to be gone soon anyway so…

It's middle of winter and Aphelios freezes cold on the train station. He is so tired he hasn't slept for days now. Weeks maybe, his insomnia became really bad lately. He also had no appetite and no layer of clothes made him feel warm anymore. Lack of blood wasn't helping either. His sight was slightly blurry and he started to regret accepting Setts offer. He sits on the cold steel waiting chair and sighs, watching the time table displaying train delays. Two hours. Maybe he will freeze to death? That is not planned but could work too, he guesses. He just feels so so so weak, he buries his head deeper into his scarf, hands in the pockets of his not so warm coat. All his clothes are black, only few parts are turquoise or purple.

He closes his eyes and lets out a puff of warm breath into the chill air.

When Sett arrives, he literally runs out of the train, madly looking for his mate. He feels angry at the train services because of the delay but what did he expect in this weather. He runs across the platforms and finds the main part, hoping to see him. The person he fell in love with even though they never met personally before. He loved how Aphelios expressed his thoughts, how kind and open minded he was. His dark art, sometimes at rare moments jokes if they weren’t about suicide. He saw a few photos of the broken man he received from him, but never a full face or anything. Despite that he recognized him immediately.

Aphelios was asleep at one of the cold looking waiting chairs. He looked so peaceful, he wasn't even shaking from the cold, he looked dead. Seeing that, Sett was next to him in a blink of an eye.

“Aphelios?” He leaned closer to his face. No response. He shook his shoulder. No response. “Hell no…” Sett cursed, panicking. “Aphelios! Wake up!” He shook the others shoulders a bit stronger than he liked to.

Then Aphelios managed to open one eye, then second. His lips were glued together with ice. His whole body ached, he was so cold he couldn't move. Then his blurry sight managed to spot someone in front of him. He was tall and wide with dark red hair.

Sett took off his fluffy purple jacket and threw it over the person in front of him. He was so worried to no end. He panicked. “No, no, no… Phel, stay awake.” He rubbed the others shoulders. He saw the difficulties to open his mouth. Sett kissed his lips out of despair and hugged the tiny man wrapped in his own jacket.

Aphelios had hard time processing what is happening, all he could suddenly feel was warmth and sweet smell all around him. A minute passed.

“Sett?” He whispered, his cheeks red now.

Sett pulled away just to look into the dark eyes. “Im so sorry, Phel!” He said a bit louder. “The train got delayed and you almost froze to death because of that.” He hugged the other again. “Please don't die.”

Aphelios was shocked at this turn of events. He felt the warmth not only physical but also emotionally and he didn't know how to feel about it. Guilt starts to creep into his mind. He doesn't deserve this care, he shouldn't let Sett worry about him. This is a new feeling for him, he realizes it's been a long time since someone truly hugged him like this.

“I'm so glad you told me where you live in the end.” Sett flashed his teeth at Aphelios who tried to smile too, but it was hard since he almost never uses this expression.

“I'm sorry…” Aphelios said quietly, trying to get up, slowly.

“For what?” Sett asked confusedly, ready to support the other's fragile body.

“Making you worry and stuff…” Aphelios answered, realizing he still has Setts jacket on him. “Oh yeah and sorry for that, thank you though, you must be cold.” He starts taking off the jacket with the intention of returning it.

Sett just sadly smiled, realizing how much is Aphelios actually sad and broken. “Hey, don't apologize for nothing.” He says, stopping the other from taking off the jacket. “Keep it on, I'm not cold, you are freezing.”

“Im so-“

“Hey!” Sett put an arm around the shorter boys shoulders. His whole body radiated warmth unlike Aphelios, who felt the strength and even more warmth.

Then Aphelios sighed. “Come this way, the bus number is 108.”

Luckily, they don't need to wait for the bus long. The bus is almost empty so they take the nearest seats to the door. “Its only ten minutes.”

“I have all the time in the world.”

“Aren't you working on Monday?” Aphelios asks, remembering its Saturday. He took sick leave for two weeks, next week is the second one. He wont need more. That week will be his last.

“Theoretically I do, but practically I don't.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Well you know I work as a gym manager, right. I can let my assistant handle some stuff if needed. No worries!”

“That wont be needed…” Aphelios mumbles under his breath. There is no way Sett would stay more than till tomorrow.

“Hmm?” Sett leans closer to the other.

“Nothing. Next stop we get off the bus.” Aphelios takes the opportunity to change the topic.

When they enter the small apartment, it's past 10 pm. Aphelios takes off the thick layers of clothing, Setts jacket included and hangs it on the coat hook. So cold again, he wishes he could wear Setts jacket till the end.

The red head drops his bag on the floor while just watching the small frame of the hunched boy all in black, folded arms on his stomach as he walks over to a small thermostat on the wall. He looks so miserable as he presses the buttons it makes Sett really sad.

“It will warm up quickly, don't wo-“ Aphelios wants to turn around to face the other and reassure him about the temperature, but Sett's arms hug him from behind. “…h-hey.”

“Aphelios tell me everything.”

The addressed boy stiffens. Sett rarely calls him the full name. “You really like hugs, huh.”

“You really look like you need one.”

“Let me make a coffee at least.” Aphelios gently breaks the hug, not daring to look into Setts eyes. Whats wrong with the man? Aphelios thinks it's almost like as if he meant something to him. No way.

“No, not coffee.” Sett follows him into the small kitchen. “It's late and you wouldn't fall asleep later.”

“I wouldn't sleep anyway and I like the taste…” Aphelios starts making a coffee and tea. “But I have all kinds of teas here for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love every kind of tea ever pressed.” He looks through the boxes.

“I meant about the sleeping.” Sett sighs, watching the other put a random tea bag into a mug.

“Ah.. Yeah I kinda can't sleep.”

“Would it help if I was with you?”

Aphelios stays quiet. His blood rushes to his cheeks and tips of ears. What is this?

“I mean..” Sett walks next to Aphelios, leaning on the kitchen unit to see the others face better. He notices how red he is and finds it adorable. He chuckles. “It's okay.”

Refusing to accept any feelings he experiences right now, Aphelios pours the hot water into the two mugs and takes them, averting his face from the other. He walks over to the living area part of the room and puts the mugs down on the coffee table. They sit on the old couch.

“Nice place you've got there, Phel.” Sett notes, looking around the low class flat which was unusually tidy compared to other days.

“Thanks…”

“You should be proud of yourself for managing to pay the rent.”

“Sett stop, the rent is really low because of the condition this place is in. I'm sure you can see that.” Aphelios just can't see any achievement despite the fact there is.

“Phel…” Sett moves himself closer to the other and gently grabs the others forearm, which makes him hiss. Sett stops all movement, letting go off the arm, watching Aphelios bringing the arm closer to his chest. “…when was the last time?” He asks quietly.

“…this morning.”

“Can I see?”

Aphelios looks at Sett, who has serious worries, kindness and genuine care in his eyes. He lets his dark hair fall further into his face. Slowly, he rolls up one sleeve.

Sett tries not to show how sad and shocked he feels. He knew Aphelios did this, but seeing this in real life is whole other thing. The bandages managed to protect and helped to close the wounds, but they were still tainted in dry blood. The coldness outside did its magic.

Sett takes a deep breath. “We need to take care of these.” He reached for the others shoulder in an affectionate way.

Aphelios didn't know how to feel, he expected disgust and regret for coming here, but instead he got love. “I mean it's not a big deal, forget it.” He rolls the sleeve down again, not daring to look at the other.

It takes half an hour for Sett to make Aphelios let him treat his wounds. At least those on arms. It takes two hours for Sett to make Aphelios feel comfortable enough around him. It takes four hours for Aphelios to open up and it takes whole Sunday for Aphelios to manage stop himself from crying. He tells Sett everything. He didn't intend to, he really didn't. He felt ashamed and like an even bigger failure for this, but this time Sett was actually there to hug him. The actual presence of someone who listens and tries to understand makes such a big difference, Aphelios realizes. The hugs, the reassuring words, the look in the others eyes. This is exactly the other way he intended to go. This is what it meant being alive.

At one point, he even tells Sett what his plans were. That this was supposed to be just a weekend with him and then he would end it all. That he told himself he might be selfish and enjoy his last weekend of his life. And since the other insisted so much.

Sett just realized he saved this boy's life. Literally. He now saw how bad it the whole time was and he felt a bit guilty for not coming sooner. Such a fragile soul wounded both psychically and physically with so much pain carrying around for years. Sett is afraid he won't be enough to help him completely, but he might be enough to be the first step. The arms that catch the falling angel with burnt wings.

It is Tuesday now.

“Phel, stop apologizing, I told you it is okay if I wont work this week.” They walk back home from the grocery store. Sett is carrying two heavy bags full of goods easily as if they weigh nothing. Aphelios has a small bag with few items, still too heavy for him. “I can't leave you alone like this.”

Sett doesn't want ever to leave Aphelios, but they both know he has to. He got his own life and responsibilities, but he needs to do everything he can.

The week with Sett makes Aphelios see the world in the whole new light. He realizes he doesn't have to be alone in this and starts believing to the words saying it is okay to talk about it. It is okay to seek help and that he deserves love. He still hates himself, but his emotions became bearable. He finally slept more than two hours straight, Sett's heartbeat right under his head was so calming, it made him fall asleep faster than ever. He started to feel really strong affection towards Sett and realized he really is the reason why he changed his plans. He doesn't want to off himself anymore if Sett is here. Anywhere. Even on the other side of the country.

The goodbyes on the train station on Sunday are sad, but hopeful. Sett feels like he made an impact in Aphelios's life, but doesn't realize how much.

“So next week on Wednesday, the psychiatrist we called. You don't have to discuss everything with him, he will just help you with the chemicals.” Sett reminds while hugging the shorter boy, knowing well how the other feels about therapists.

Aphelios weakly returns the hug, he grew to be accustomed to this kind of showing emotions during his time with Sett, he realized that if it's the right person, he doesn't mind it. He really liked Sett. He was his light, the sudden end of the dark tunnel that seemed to never end. He still hated himself, but not to the core of his bones anymore.

“Okay.”

“And call me everyday.”

Aphelios sighs.

“Or I will.” Sett lets go and kisses the others forehead.

When Aphelios watches the train leave, for the first time in a while, he does not wish to be under it.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments give light to my life


End file.
